After a binge which lasted six days and nights, I realized I had hit a totally new emotional, mental and physical bottom. There had many bottoms; each time I thought was rock bottom…this time was very different!
Other than seeing some daylight and sitting in my bedroom drinking and drinking and drinking, I don't recall anything else that happened during those six days! I seriously doubt I even showered during that time and no clue if I ate anything.
I was emotionally bankrupt, I was DESPERATE for help, a deep and dark desperation I had never experienced before. There was absolutely no way I could go on like this! I didn’t want to die but I could not go on this way anymore!
Once I sobered up a bit, I began texting my church family who knew about my struggle with alcohol. Three dear friends showed up on my door step. They talked with me a while, prayed with me and bought a delicious hot pizza and groceries for my son and me. They were a Godsend that day and I will never forget their compassion and charity!
I believe it was then next day, I began calling rehab centers, had called a few before but never followed through. This time I had to follow through or something tragic and irreversible was going to happen, I knew it in my heart. I continued to drink a few times a week even while calling center after center trying to get in.
One afternoon after another night of drinking, I was lying in bed when I received a text from a Christian friend informing me of a job opening. I hesitated to reply but God told me to text her with a brief summary of my situation. She called, we talked and prayed and offered to help me however she could.
After hours, days and weeks of trying to locate a rehab facility that could take me in, I finally found one! Oh, thank God! My friend took me to my assessment on a Friday and I was put on the waiting list. Monday afternoon I received a phone call from a facility closer to home and my family, they had immediate openings, Hallelujah! God was showing me plain as day, the light at the end of that horribly dark tunnel.
The director of the facility talked with me a while, obtained my history, and told me it was a God thing because she had randomly selected my name from the list. I agreed this was definitely God’s handiwork!
Huge problem though! She wanted me to come the next day. I couldn’t go the next day! I had things to do, like laundry, packing, keep the appointment to change the oil in Dad’s truck I was driving, see my kids, grandkids, Mom, Dad, and of course, hopefully, see my boyfriend before I left. I asked if I could come Wednesday…no wait, “can I come Thursday?”
See what just happened there? God had clearly handed me this wonderful gift that I had been so desperately seeking and I was refusing to accept His gift by doing what I do best, procrastinating. Ok, deep breath, another deep breath…I bit the bullet and committed, “I’ll be there Thursday morning!”
I did not tell anyone of this call until the next day…WHY? Because as we alcoholics/addicts do, I was leaving myself a way out to continue my self destruction. As much as I wanted a better, healthier and happier life, freedom from the torment of alcohol, I was afraid to let go of my best and worst friend, alcohol!
