Oh, the prepping and packing for three months away from home…and my home was in foreclosure so…hmmm, where will I go, what will I do when I get out?! A million thoughts and feelings racing through my head, this was a huge step and commitment!
Rehab, three months away from home, my family, friends, and my church! So many thoughts and emotions, this was very scary, exciting and a huge relief! I’m extremely grateful and thankful that I’m going of my own volition! Thank you, Lord, for protecting me and anyone and everyone I came into contact with during my trips to self destruction!!!
Tuesday (Two days before rehab):
My Christian friend and I meet up to go shopping for clothes and miscellaneous items for rehab. We had lunch at Bob Evans; she asked if I wanted to say the prayer. My first time praying aloud with someone but God gave me the words and eased my nervousness and self-consciousness about it. It was a really nice day! I’m so thankful for my friend, her generosity, encouragement and prayers!
Visited with my other friend (my non-sponsor sponsor LOL) for a while, we talked; she cut and straight ironed my hair. She gave me so much encouragement and happy for me to finally get the help I desperately need. We had a very nice visit!
Back home, sorting through what to pack, more decisions. Oh, what a chore, yet, exciting and exhilarating, so much nervous adrenaline! Finally, pretty well packed, gotta get a shower and some make up on quick...he (my boyfriend, that is) is coming over after work!
HE’S here! I’m still re-thinking what I’m taking and finalizing my packing…again! He brought pizza and we talked, reminisced, laughed and joked. We were able to discuss my upcoming rehab and laugh about some of my alcoholic shenanigans…oh my! He stayed the night; we cuddled at bedtime, held each other, and enjoyed each other’s company! It was a great day!
Wednesday (One day before rehab):
Morning comes too quickly! It felt so good to wake up with him, like old times but, reality was beginning to slowly sink in. Will there be a future for us when I get back? I wanted to cry but had to stay strong.
We kissed each other good morning, had coffee and talked. The time has come to load things up so he can take me to Mom’s house. Our time together was slipping away entirely too quickly! The trip to Mom’s was rather quiet, we were both becoming increasingly aware of the fact I was leaving for three months.
We’re at Mom’s now, unloaded my stuff. He got to spend a few minutes with our granddaughter. We hugged tightly, wished each other well, kissed each other goodbye and he quickly drove off. I tried, but couldn’t hold the tears back, my heart and head raced as I watched him drive down the road.
Spent a great day with Mom and my beautiful grandbabies! The day flew by with a lot of playing, laughing and cuddling. Mom and I talked, laughed and cried at times. She was feeling all sorts of emotions, from being happy I was getting help to guilting me for needing to leave to blaming herself for my alcohol addiction. I tried to help her understand that my alcoholism is not her fault and we have a genetic predisposition to it, fortunately she was spared from it.
As hard as this was for me, I can’t imagine how tough and emotional it must have been for Mom. On top of this, she’s raising my two grandbabies. I’m so blessed to have such a strong, caring and loving mother, don’t know what I’d do without her!
Thursday (REHAB DAY!):
Fitful night of sleep and, again, morning comes way too quickly! I took a quick shower, guzzled some coffee and squeezed in as much quality time with Mom and my babies. My Christian friend will be here soon to take me to rehab…for three months!
Well, she’s here; we all visit for a brief time, now to load up and head out…for three whole months! It was a beautiful morning for a drive with a great Christian friend, riding through the country listening to K-Love and talking along the way. With a quick run through McDonald’s, I managed to eat breakfast on my nervous stomach.
Here we are! For a moment, I want to run away, I can’t do this! A few deep breaths, the time has come, no turning back now! She and I go in…oh, nerves and anxiety kicking in, racing heart, deep breath, this is it! We sit and talk for a few minutes…then they call MY name! After checking my bags for contraband, I’m told it’s time to part ways with my friend. We hug, say I love you, hug again and she walks out the door.
A lady takes me to her office to conduct my assessment. I feel surprisingly comfortable with her right away. She and I seem to hit it off well from the start and will be my primary group and individual counselor. I like this chic, smart, funny and compassionate!
Assessment done, nervously waiting on the house mom to arrive to take me to my new home. I’m allowed a few minutes to smoke and use my phone for the last time for the next ten days. I call Mom, Dad and my sister. They gave me heartfelt words of encouragement, and we tell each other I love you.
My house mom arrives, she seems friendly and positive. We chat as we walk over to my new home to meet my new roommates. This is all so frightening and exciting at the same time!
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