After a binge which lasted six days and nights, I realized I had hit a totally new emotional, mental and physical bottom. There had many bottoms; each time I thought was rock bottom…this time was very different!
Other than seeing some daylight and sitting in my bedroom drinking and drinking and drinking, I don't recall anything else that happened during those six days! I seriously doubt I even showered during that time and no clue if I ate anything.
I was emotionally bankrupt, I was DESPERATE for help, a deep and dark desperation I had never experienced before. There was absolutely no way I could go on like this! I didn’t want to die but I could not go on this way anymore!
Once I sobered up a bit, I began texting my church family who knew about my struggle with alcohol. Three dear friends showed up on my door step. They talked with me a while, prayed with me and bought a delicious hot pizza and groceries for my son and me. They were a Godsend that day and I will never forget their compassion and charity!
I believe it was then next day, I began calling rehab centers, had called a few before but never followed through. This time I had to follow through or something tragic and irreversible was going to happen, I knew it in my heart. I continued to drink a few times a week even while calling center after center trying to get in.
One afternoon after another night of drinking, I was lying in bed when I received a text from a Christian friend informing me of a job opening. I hesitated to reply but God told me to text her with a brief summary of my situation. She called, we talked and prayed and offered to help me however she could.
After hours, days and weeks of trying to locate a rehab facility that could take me in, I finally found one! Oh, thank God! My friend took me to my assessment on a Friday and I was put on the waiting list. Monday afternoon I received a phone call from a facility closer to home and my family, they had immediate openings, Hallelujah! God was showing me plain as day, the light at the end of that horribly dark tunnel.
The director of the facility talked with me a while, obtained my history, and told me it was a God thing because she had randomly selected my name from the list. I agreed this was definitely God’s handiwork!
Huge problem though! She wanted me to come the next day. I couldn’t go the next day! I had things to do, like laundry, packing, keep the appointment to change the oil in Dad’s truck I was driving, see my kids, grandkids, Mom, Dad, and of course, hopefully, see my boyfriend before I left. I asked if I could come Wednesday…no wait, “can I come Thursday?”
See what just happened there? God had clearly handed me this wonderful gift that I had been so desperately seeking and I was refusing to accept His gift by doing what I do best, procrastinating. Ok, deep breath, another deep breath…I bit the bullet and committed, “I’ll be there Thursday morning!”
I did not tell anyone of this call until the next day…WHY? Because as we alcoholics/addicts do, I was leaving myself a way out to continue my self destruction. As much as I wanted a better, healthier and happier life, freedom from the torment of alcohol, I was afraid to let go of my best and worst friend, alcohol!
Like many people, at the start of the year, I made a resolution to decrease my alcohol intake.
ReplyDeleteDrink Less in Seven Days by Georgia Foster has really helped me stick to this resolution. Georgia is a clinical hypnotherapist and alongside the written version of the book, there are also 4 "Hypnosis Hub" recordings that readers are encouraged to access to help them with the program.
One of the great things about Drink Less in Seven Days is that Georgia (and I"m going to call her Georgia because she kind of feels like a friend) is totally non-judgemental about how much you drink, why you drink, why you feel you drink too much etc. I feel that this is an area where people carry a lot of shame and negative feelings and to have someone who approaches an emotional issue like this with absolute objectivity is helpful in driving the desired behaviours. She's on your side!
There are two main parts to Drink Less in Seven Days. The first is how your amygdala (the part of your brain that deals with emotions and fear/stress responses) can actually work against your efforts to quit or reduce your drinking. It shows you how to move your decision to drink away from this very instinctive part of your brain to your prefrontal cortex which is the part of your brain that is more concerned with considered decision-making.
I found this part of the book fascinating, particularly the parts where she spoke about silencing your inner critic.
However, it was the second part of the book, where Georgia broke down different personality types. what triggers them to drink and how to circumvent these triggers that I found most useful. (Also fascinating, if like me you love a good theory of behaviour and the ability to proclaim "Yes!!!! That's me!"). Because it makes total sense right? If you drink out of social anxiety (which is me a little bit) your methods to success will likely be different to someone who drinks because everyone around you is (also me a little bit).
The biggest take away for me was starting to understand what triggers my wanting to drink and learning alternative strategies should I decide not to. I think a really important thing about Drink Less in Seven Days is that it is NOT about quitting drinking altogether. It is about cutting down to a level that you are comfortable with, whatever that is for you. And this feels more manageable than quitting altogether.
The cru of this type of book though is does it work?
So here's the real deal. I started this program in January. It's now March and I can count the times I have drunk alcohol on one hand. During this time I have been to pubs, bars and restaurants, entertained at home and been entertained at other people's homes so it's not like I have been hiding myself away. I have been around alcohol and people drinking as much as I ever was.
Will I drink again? Almost definitely. For me, this experiment was never about giving up altogether. And I have far too much fun making cocktails for this to give it up completely! However, I feel that moving forward I will be able to drink in a more mindful considered way.
Thank you to Georgia Foster for a thoroughly fascinating book that does exactly what it says on the cover!
Here's a link to The 7 Days To Drink Less Online Alcohol Reduction Program.
John